Year is Almost Over

Well the year is almost over yet again, i don't feel that i've accomplished anything great, or done anything wonderful with this past year. I have said many times this is the year....i'm going to get around to some bucket list items...live more etc... but every year i don't. I'm a big baby, i'm afraid of change and adventure. I'm afraid of failure and pain disappointment. I vowed after Carrie's death to live life more fully, because you truly never know what will happen. Her life was cut so short, there was so much left for her to experience and do in this world. As her birthday nears i think of her more and more, and dream of her and as my heart gets heavier with the passing days, it hurts in another way of would she be disappointed  in me? Would she wonder where the fire has gone within my soul? I had so many hopes and goals when i was younger.... And now it's just a day by day normal life with no goals or dreams. I'm happily married yes, i've got a beautiful home, job etc.. those are all good things in my life. But i dreamed of being a photographer, traveling, going on adventures...And now i look back and think that i haven't been out of the 3 state surrounding area in over 5 years, i haven't worked to grow my photography passion or  business...and i certainly haven't been on enough adventures. I hope that i can find my place, my fire again, i hope that in the coming years of my life i can live up to what i have always wanted to be. And i hope that i can live a life that i think Carrie would be proud of. She was my very first friend, my best friend and non-biological sister, we went on many adventures, trips, and dreamed so many dreams and hopes together...and i hope to keep her spirit alive within me....because her spirit should definitely not be forgotten......